?

why hope?
for it to just disappear.
why hope?
for something that of course wouldnt happen.
why hope?
only expecting disappointment.

hope is gone.

scars

some things are able to just roll of our shoulders but others cut deep....real deep.

i can honestly say i have been scarred. not from any close friend or old friend or anything like that.
from the people i thought understood....it hurt. it still hurts.......but it was my fault

i have problems. im getting help.

What did i do? Why am i like this? How do i fix it?


WHO AM I?!

sniffles

so im doing a ton better! it feels good....."carry the burden, not the load"...i repeated that over and over in my head all weekend. im just livin life and having fun. saturday night was so funny. krispy kreme trips at 1030 at night are so funny bc the people on staff prob thought we were idiots lol. but it was a lot of fun...except for the freezing cold ride....lol but now i have a little sniffly nose..which is never fun but ill be ok..

i cant win this battle...... so why try..

help

I told a friend a secret. i dont know what to do. i just need help.


im scared

reality

so far this weekend ive just taken a step back and its so refreshing.
singing last night at practice was such an escape. its like time stopped.
today i got up early to go garage saleing and go out for breakfast.
so far for the rest of today me and ben have been just sitting here listening to music.

sometimes i just like getting away from the world

please

im on the bottom and just want a way out. but everytime i get up another punch comes and takes my breath away.

please show me how to get up!!!

I cant take anymore. im not strong enough.

gone

So i got a phone call last night that almost caused my blood to stop. i was driving home from halles pageant and my mom called saying mandy (a girl that was like my big sister growing up) had been in an accident with her two babies and they were all recieving cpr. i was speechless. i just hung up the phone i didnt say anything. i called a friend and had her pray that everything was ok. i thought about all the memories i had with this girl...i pulled in the garage and was expecting to go upstairs to hear they were alright and the accident wasnt too bad. i opened the door and all the lights were out. i heard my mom sobbing uncontrolably then she was standing there saying over and over

"theyre gone. theyre all gone. theyre dead."

all i could say was what? over and over and over. by this time my mom was pacing the kitchen still in her workout clothes. she was uncontrolable. i turned right around, walked down the stairs, and sat on the driveway and just cried. i couldnt help it. i hadnt talked to mandy in a few years. it was unreal. in such a quick moment could someone really be gone that fast. i called the girl i had asked to pray and told her the news. she was speechless. mandy and her babies. gone.

i went back upstairs and cried myself to sleep.

i left my house this mornign at 645 (45 min early) and jsut sat in my car at school. my mom called me. she said shed been up all night. she explained the accidnet....a drunk driver had sped through a stop sign going 60 mph and hit them. josh (mandys husband) is a volunteer fireman and found out about the accident when the liscense plate number flashed on the screen signalling an accident had happend. he recognized the number as his wifes. he has lost them. lost.

why?

i cant take anymore.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=6493693